Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Polar Bear

Hi ladyz:
Well, today I just wanted to vent & hopefully get some feedback. I've been told in AA that if I don't have a home group, I'm homeless. I guess I'm 'homesick', but not in the way the word is often perceived. I haven't been to my home group since Dec. '07; I became very ill in Sept. & had major surgery in Oct. Prior to that, I had been there sporadically, due to me being a full-time evening student. My group meets on Wed. nites and my classes are Mon. thru Thur. evenings. So, I'm only able to attend my group in between semesters.

I feel very sad that none of my home group members visited me or gave me a phone call through two hospitalizations, a surgery & long illness; I also am faced with a 2nd surgery in a couple of months. I'm posting this for feedback because I wonder.........

am I being selfish? ...or is this a case of the ISM's?

It's a lonely feeling.

Of course, there were a couple of gentlemen, who I consider my 'brothers in recovery' that kept in touch with me, and even visited several times. One gentlemen in my group sent me 5 get well cards that he had passed around 5 different groups & got signatures for well wishes. That really touched my heart. But, I'm talking about the women. It seems like the women in my community of groups I attend don't support each other the way AA teaches us. If you're not 'best friends' or in a certain 'click' (as some refer to it), you're left on the back burner.

AA has taught me how to love 'unconditionally'. That means everyone, despite their character defects, aka 'whether you like them or not, or don't like their personality'. So, how does this all apply to the ladies at my group? When I'm able to attend my group, I'm very active. I make sure when there's an announcement of someone ill, I'm sure to call them, visit them, as well as support them within the group.

I was once told by a gentleman in AA who is deceased now (may he rest in peace), that "there are a lot of examples in AA....some you want to be like & some you don't". So, when I think about that, I am determined to not let how I feel I was treated to affect how I treat others. My 'stinking thinking' told me "forget them; join another don't have to be there". But, the recovery that's embedded in me helps reassure me that I need to do the opposite; stay there!! There will be opportunities for me to show love and support to someone else. I can't allow my pain to prevent me from showing love. I have to be the example to the newcomer, who is the most important person in AA. Besides that, the 'been around awhilers' need a dose of unconditional love rejuvenation at times.

Dolled Up

I love recovery.....I didn't know that a concept could change my thinking the way the 12 steps have. No, I'm no 'big book thumper' by far; I know very little compared to some. But I can tell you that love is engraved in my heart. I know what it feels like to feel like you're left out, alone & unloved. It brings my heart great joy to help someone....offer a handshake.....a smile....a word of encouragement.....maybe just an ear for them to vent. So, just for today, I Pray for God to allow His light to shine through me, despite how I feel. I'm confident He will transform my thinking and allow me to see things through loving eyes, despite the eyes filled with tears when I think about it sometimes. Thanks for listening ladyz....Have a BlessedDay!!

International Women's Day - 3/8


Anonymous said...

Congrats on being sober.

Anonymous said...